


When I wake

by Buggirl



Series: May to September [1]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 21:24:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5471270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buggirl/pseuds/Buggirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>MacCready thinks he's offering comfort, but it's really him who needs comforting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I wake

**Author's Note:**

> _“two people can sleep in the same bed and still be alone when they close their eyes”_  
>  ― Haruki Murakami, Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World

_There were five in the bed and the little one said, roll over, roll over. So they all rolled over and one fell out._

There was a lot of swearing and their faces hung over him as he cursed and flailed. It was always their faces. Then something grabbed him, shook him hard and he was awake. 

"Wha--" His eyelids blinked wide open. And it was her, standing over him, her hands were ungloved and firm on his shoulder.

"MacCready, you'll wake the whole boathouse with your yelling. One of the settlers has already been in and away from his post. Bad dream again?" 

MacCready rolled over and looked into her face, it wasn't Lucy's but it was a relief to see her there. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. Yes, it was, I --" 

She nodded. "I understand." 

"Do you ever dream? About Nate, about Shaun?" It was an odd time to ask something like that but he wanted to know, he needed to know he wasn't alone. 

She sighed and rubbed her forehead before sitting down next to his still horizontal form. "Initially, yes. I'd wake up and I couldn't move, like some sort of sleep paralysis. Then the dream would morph into me thumping on the glass of the cryo chamber watching it all happen again.”

Beads of sweat had formed on his face and he wiped a hand over it and onto his shirt. “It’s like in slow motion.”

“Yeah, just like that. But, I'm so close to finding him, the dreams have stopped being so -- nightmarish. And when I do have them it's only of Shaun." She gave him a weak smile.

“Not of Nate?” His brow raised in surprise.

She shook her head. "Don’t get me wrong, I miss him. But I think I miss the closeness, of sleeping next to someone, of casually draping an arm over them and the heat. I miss the small intimacies. It’s so damn cold in this place." 

She made to move off the bed but he grabbed her wrist. "Stay next to me. I can give you what you wa--, I can give you what you need." He searched her face. In the dim candlelight he could see her eyes shimmer. 

She nodded and said nothing but removed her jacket. He rolled on to his side and she cradled as the small spoon with her back to him, his arm draped over her waist. He waited until he heard her breath become shallow before he too fell into slumber. For the rest of the night, their faces didn’t trouble him.

_There were four in the bed and the little one said, roll over, roll over. So they all rolled over and one fell out._

That’s how it was from then on. He wasn’t always with her, she took the synth or the reporter or even the Mayor, and on those nights he dreamt of their faces and he screamed into the dark. But no one cared, they just told him to shut up.

On the road to Covenant they stopped after they realised they’d been stalked by a bloat fly.

“Lord, I hate those things. 200 years was enough to give us these horrid versions of what I know,” she laughed as she fired the last shot.

“Here,” he said and passed her some ammo. 

“Thank you, I was getting rather low,” she replied.

“I don’t mind being your packhorse.”

“That’s not what you said the other day.” She tilted her head.

He snickered. “I was jealous, you took Valentine out.”

“What’s to be jealous of?” 

“Time alone, with you of course. I treasure every moment. Plus you would definitely be lonely without me.” He laid a hand on his chest a cheesy smile plastered his face.

She stood shaking her head and smiling. “I promised to look around the town for clues about those caravans, lets’ stop messing about shall we?”

He feigned mock indignation. “I never mess about.”

She lowered her glasses and lifted one eyebrow. He could tell she was holding back a smirk.

They were almost at Covenant when he spoke again. “Be thankful you were asleep for those 200 years, it’s been kind of a nightmare for some.” He frowned when he caught her smile turn downwards. He watched her swallow as if she’d eaten something unpleasant and realised that he’d made a mistake bringing up the past.

_Fuck, Macready. Shut the fuck up._

He tried to erase it with a flippant remark about the putrid smell of some bug but the frown remained. 

They began their investigation around Covenant, and for most of it, she remained quiet, with barely a tilt of her mouth at each smart arse comment he made. 

That night, she still spooned against him, and his arm still wrapped around her waist but she wasn’t still and there were no quiet breaths of slumber, instead her stomach shuddered against his hand with inaudible sobs. 

He pretended to be asleep.

_There were three in the bed and the little one said, roll over, roll over. So they all rolled over and one fell out._

There next move would be to investigate the disappearance of the Stockton’s daughter, they were close, but instead of continuing she withdrew for a time telling him she had other things that warranted her attention. A sudden feeling of worthlessness left him feeling nauseous. He watched her leave for Sanctuary with barely a goodbye wave. He berated his stupidity for what he had said. It was he who cast a shadow of the past over her and it was his fault she wouldn’t be in his arms tonight. A general sullenness overwhelmed him but he remained at the boathouse. He eavesdropped on the settlers just so he could hear news of her. They said she had donned a hazmat suit and headed off somewhere no human could follow. She’d taken the ghoul with her.

He slept fitfully, but there were no dreams of Lucy or Duncan. It was all of her, where ghouls had surrounded her, and he was powerless to stop them.

Then she returned, it was if nothing had taken her away, she cradled in next to him her fingers entwined with his. He knew this is what he wanted, and despite telling her he could give her what she needed, it was now abundantly clear, that he needed it more.

_There were two in the bed and the little one said, roll over, roll over._

An anti-synth plot is what it had been, but at the expense of innocents. She had stood tall and said no and vowed never to return to Covenant. 

“They can live free, but I know I can't return, they’ll kill me on sight.”

He nodded. “Not a good thing, boss.”

That night sequestered away in a quiet corner of the boathouse his hand ventured under her shirt, and she didn’t stop him. He painted small circles on her belly. It was soft and pliable and she had giggled as he nestled into her shoulder. She smelt of flowers and leather and dust from the road.

She rolled over and her eyes danced about his face inviting him in for a kiss. He obliged, hungry for a first taste of her lips, of her tongue and her feel of her softness against his mouth.

He pulled away from the kiss. “I'm sorry,” he said as his hand slipped further up her side and then down again.

She shivered in response to the more intimate touch. Her head flinched back and she bit her lip before speaking. “Sorry for what?”

“For bringing back the past, for giving you a painful memory and from distracting you from looking for Shaun.”

She closed her eyes and smiled, leaned forward and kissed his nose before her hand moved to the back of his neck. “It’s not your fault,” she said. “Sometimes I forget where I am, you reminded me, and it hurt. It's definitely not your fault.”

“Where to next? You said the mutant had a lead,” he said and felt her squirm under his touch.

“He did.”

“I want to come with you.” His fingers moved to the button and zipper of her loose pants and slowly unfastened them. His hand dove in to stroke her through the thin material of underwear. He was pleasantly surprised to find her already wet.

“You can come with me as far as you can. I don’t know where I’ll be transported to using that--” she stopped to take a breath and give a small moan as his fingers delved underneath her underwear and to the delicate spot he knew would be her release. She placed a hand on his shoulder and he leaned in to kiss her. She hummed against his mouth as he gently circled her clit.

He felt her hands fumble at his belt and his own fastenings so he increased the pressure and speed of his attention.

“You want--”

“Yes I want, yes,” she whispered.

“You don’t have to--” He secretly hoped she wouldn't back out; he wanted her now, more than ever, to have her lips on his neck or his ear or her tongue in his mouth. He wanted to kiss her breasts, an invitation to comfort he hadn’t had in a long while. More than anything, he wanted her legs wrapped tight around him and his cock deep inside her. He needn't have worried.

“Yes I do, I want, I need,” she said as she kissed him again and put a hand firmly around his erection.

He pulled at her pants and she helped him to shake them off until she was naked from the waist down and his pants were down around his knees.

He pushed her over on to her back his hand rubbed at her vulva and felt her eager desire, he smiled. He knelt between her legs and let his finger caress her clit before inserting one finger then two. She bucked under him and this time he laughed. 

She reached up for him one hand gripped his cock again. “Cheeky bastard.” Her smile fell apart as he moved back to her clit and she emitted a small moan.

He removed his hand and licked his fingers before he lay on top of her. He would love to have felt her breasts squish against his chest, to revel in each other’s skin, but there would be plenty of time for that. Not here and not now. Instead, he put his full weight on her and entered her with one full thrust. There were no further words spoken between them, moans and quiet grunts took their place. 

They kissed, open mouth and sloppy, like hungry settlers finally given a decent meal.

He felt her twitch around him and she moaned into his mouth once again. She called a name that wasn’t his, but he didn’t care. He understood because it wasn’t her name mouthed silently when his own climax came. 

They lay together for a while until he slipped out of her and pulled up his pants. She leaned forward silently and pulled on her bottom half. They lay back down back in their spooned positions, breaths still slightly ragged.

“There were two in the bed,” his voice was a murmur against her. 

“What was that?” she said.

“Just a nursery rhyme that I don’t remember the ending.”

“Oh it goes -- so they both rolled over and one fell out. There was one in the bed and the little one said--”

"I'm lonely--” he grabbed her and pulled her in tight. 

“Tomorrow then,” she said as her fingers played with his hands now wrapped even firmer around her waist.

“Yes tomorrow," he replied.


End file.
